So the stillness will be the dancing

Rather than the stormy waters, look at Me. That’s what Jesus seems to be saying to me right now.

The waves are a physical reality. Yet when Peter kept his eyes fixed on Our Lord, he was able to rise above them and walk on the waters. 

It was only when he let his eyes fall on the waters rather than Jesus he began to sink. 

Saint Teresa of Calcutta said something that reminds me of this. She said, ‘We must believe much more in His Love than our weakness.’

When I consider my weakness I become afraid and overwhelmed by duty, fears, limitations.

When I focus on God’s love, ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me’ Philippians 4:13

- “When a bad or gloomy thought, fear or temptation threatens to afflict you, don't fight it to try and get rid of it. Open your arms to Christ's love and it will vanish by itself - Saint Porphyrios

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Our church is open for private prayers again. This morning I went with Seraphina. 

A location doesn’t  effect whether our prayers are heard but as soon as I saw the glow of candlelight signalling Our Lord’s presence in the form of The Blessed Sacrament in The Tabernacle I felt as close to anything resembling home this side of the veil. Right now I need to feel this sense of home. 

After sanitising my hands and finding an allotted seat I knelt down and shut my eyes. 

And the silence and darkness began to open up.

‘So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.’ - T.S Elliot

And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof. - The Apocalypse  21:23

I could still hear the noise of the traffic outside, people walking, moving, coughing, the sound of antibacterial spray being sprayed on seats. 

Then, through the midst of it all, the strangeness of new regulations, the rustling and chattering of people finding their way through it, the cars, the sirens... a bird began to sing outside. The sound was amongst all the other sounds but it seemed completely apart from them.   

Although the other noises were still present, after a while, all I could hear was the birdsong.

Tears began to fall.

We are preparing to bring my Dad home for his end of life care. There are lots of unknowns, lots of things to be afraid of if I look at them closely but I choose to instead trust in His love rather than my weakness.

I look again at the candle glowing above the alter.

Whether my eyes are open or closed, whether I can see it or not, it is still there shining.

Whether the noise of fear, the world and uncertainty swells like a wave upon wave the eye of my spirit is fixed on He who changes not. 

We see the waves with our physical eyes. We see Jesus with the eye of our soul.

‘The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,’ - Luke 4:18

As we were about to get up to leave, Seraphina leaned over to show me something. It was a 20 pence coin. She asked if she could use it to light a candle. Afterward, as we were making our way to the car she told me the coin had just appeared. Her pockets had been empty. 20p is the exact cost of a candle.

The light will always be there, no matter how dark the storms.

Rather than listen to fear, listen to love.

Rather than hear the traffic outside, listen to the song within.
It’s the song of your soul. The Song of Songs.  The Canticle of Canticles.

‘Though I suffered a lot, my soul was singing’ -Blessed Chiara Luce Badano